I made this cartoon in like 3 minutes…

After my editor called and told me my original toon had been rejected by the higher-ups for the appearance of intra-newspaper dueling. Damn higher ups.

You can kind of tell that I taped that shit together in warp speed. But really, what the hell does “fiduciary duty” mean and why can’t I find a job?

Here’s a photo of the original toon:

Which is a response to one of the most idiotic letters to the editor ever written, probably. Maybe.

“In the second panel, the woman says, “Yea!” So it wasn’t against her will. The column also says that the male in the cartoon “crams the heel of the boot up the woman’s skirt with such force that she is thrown spread-eagled off her feet, flying higher than the man’s head.” The only reason it was drawn that way is because that is the only way I could accurately depict the whole country of Italy going into her.”
~Joe “I’m an idiot” Welkie

<3 j.bee

Two Diamondback Cartoons

From April 22nd and April 23rd.

<3j.bee

well, that’s an endorsement.

An endorsement of sweet sweet DIY multitools. It’s like an activism spork.

<3 j.bee, who is both obtuse and hamfisted.

thanks anonymous diamondback internet commenters! you always brighten my day.

Palestinian Solidarity Week.

My favorite part of this job, as always, is the anonymous internet commenters. Also, this week is Palestinian Solidarity Week at the University of Maryland! Make sure you check out the sweet events Students for Justice in Palestine and allies put together.

<3j.bee

Just a quick comment

on how Massey and Gov. Joe Manchin and the whole coal industry are full of shit.

Also, Criminal Queers the film is going to be screened at the University of Maryland tonight, with a talk-back with directors Chris Vargas and Eric Stanley. The film is at 7 pm in the Hoff Theater, which is on the ground floor of Stamp Student Union. The event is free and open to the public, and UMD is accessible by metro (green line towards Greenbelt!) and free shuttle.

Hope to see you there!
<3j.bee

My first attempt at a flow chart.

Turned out pretty well, I think.

<3 j.bee

p.s. thanks to the facebook-er who posted the link to this xkcd explanation of flowcharts. my personal inspiration, as always, was the flowchart my BFF made in like tenth grade to help determine whether or not we were going to get scabies.

Diamondback cartoon and stuff

Here’s one of those 10-minutes before deadline toons. It prompted the anonymous reader comment “you’re an idiot” so I must be doing something right!

Also, it’s Pride Month at the University of Maryland! My face is on the poster! Whoah!

<3 j.bee

p.s. anonymous reader-commenter on the internet, you ain't got nothin' on these gems:

Pope Palpatine

Can’t be impeached, but can technically resign. I’m still wondering who thought it was a good idea to make a Nazi the Pope. End times, people, end times.

Also, I obviously have become obsessed with adding speech bubbles to pictures from old books instead of drawing cartoons, because for real, nothing I draw could be more awesome than these two old ladies.

<3 j.bee

Today’s Diamondback toon…

…is one of those “my editor called me late at night” editions.

Today I got to go to the campus health center and got to nebulize my lungs just like my grandma used to do for her emphysema! I also got me an inhaler–the only thing missing from my epic young adult nerdiness. It’s like the mislaid puzzle piece of my youth has final been set into place. Glasses: check. Braces: check. Pleated khaki uniform pants: check. Star Wars obsession: check. Inhaler: no…oh wait, check.

It’s just until my lungs start to function again on their own, though.

<3 j.bee

I keep dreaming that my editor calls and tells me that they aren’t going to run my cartoon…

on the basis that they don’t make any sense or something.

You may notice a higher volume than usual of Diamondback cartoons by my fine self. This is true. Apparently all the other cartoonists are broken. I am taking advantage of this fact by making lots of “bro” puns.

Also you may think that the “riots” on Wednesday night in College Park were a celebration over the Terps finally beating Duke, but actually it was a preemptive riot for accessible education, in conjunction with other March 4th Day of Action events. Why doesn’t the mainstream media report these things? Fox News Conspiracy!

OUT OF THE STADIUMS INTO THE STREETS.
<3 j.bee