I have some sweet brofantasys. I’m having one of those nights where I stare blankly at my computer instead of doing work.
I don’t usually write personal stuff in this blog, but I think I want to right now.
I read in this zine called subversive submissive, which I picked up at the Baltimore Rad Bookfair Zine Bazaar, about the psychological concept of “overwhelm” from Peter Breggin’s book Toxic Psychiatry. The zine is about BDSM but the section on self-injury and mental health was the most interesting for me. The zine’s author described overwhelm for her as “an intense anxiety marked by racing thoughts, uncontrollable crying, and an inability to speak coherently; [or] an intense depression in which [she freezes] up and become unable to move or speak at all, sometimes even unable to form complete thoughts.” This really is resonating with me right now, but I haven’t been able to find much online since the book isn’t really on google books. I always make fun of Brosef for diagnosing himself off the internet, but I think if I’m anything it’s fucking OVERWHELMED. Like the zine’s author, I used to cut myself, and “I learned that the pain could help me cope with both anxiety and depression…could provide a point of focus when my thoughts were racing or wake me up when I was unable to feel anything” (16). I think that a lot of anti-cutting stuff is total bullshit, and I think that people are so opposed to self-injury because it freaks them out, not out of a desire to address or distinguish between the nuanced reasons why individuals self-injure. But I digress. I don’t have any desire to cut myself anymore, and I’ve been trying to redirect that need for a focus point into activities like running, but it isn’t really working. I feel scattered. I need something to focus on. I keep forgetting to breathe.
<3 j bee.
This image is entirely wonky but I kind of like it because I drew it immediately after totally fucking up this presentation in my Spanish class, and it really reflects how flustered I was. Bet you didn’t know that I am actually a full time student with a job also. Just kidding you probably knew that.
Sometimes a unicorn-human hybrid drinking a mug of coffee is exactly how I feel.
<3 jenna bee.
is surprisingly difficult sometimes.
here is a unicorn:
inspired by a) michael berube’s “what’s the matter with cultural studies,” b) everyone i know and c) that was a lie i just doodled this during a panel at SPX.
i have the carbon footprint of a unicorn. my hoof is not giant, but i am putting it in your butt so it feels pretty huge.
i need a nap.
<3 jenna b.
p.s. I'll scan Aug. 26th and 27th later.